It seems that around this same time every year, in a certain region of the world, turkeys begin dying en masse, and those few who survive the annual holocaust only live to see their deceased loved ones stuffed and placed upon a table to be savagely devoured by us humans. With this cold, harrowing depiction of the cruel treatment of turkeys everywhere planted firmly within your minds, each of you should stop to ask yourselves, "What can *I* do to bring an end to this ongoing turkey torture and genocide?". That is why I have come here today. I propose that we establish a new day of memorial - a day recognized not only in the region of the world from which these atrocities stem, but by the whole world over.
Let this day henceforth be known as Save The Turkey Day. On this most sacred of days, each of should take a moment to remember the many hundreds of millions of turkeys whose lives have been lost over the years, igniting a spark of compassion within us, and driving us to do all we can to ease the great suffering we have wrought upon turkey-kind. Each of us must do our part if we are to find success in this most noble of endeavours. We should all take to the streets to spread the word. As news of our movement reaches the farthest corners of the world, monuments will surely be erected to the fallen turkeys of yesteryear. Soon, a day will come that the proud and magnificent turkey will truly know freedom from the oppression of being bred and farm-raised to be devoured in a ceremonial feast of opulent excess. Soon, a day will come when none of us can turn a blind eye anymore. Soon, a day will come that none of us will be able to forget the things that we have done…
I wonder, were you setting me up for the "That's what she said!" joke or did you honestly not notice it?
As for the "Save the Turkey Day" proposition… it already exists under a different name. Black Friday. The day every American family puts the leftover turkey into plastic containers to save it for sandwiches and various other lunch foods. Apparently some people do some shopping on that day too, but the turkey is always saved first.
But fried turkey is a family tradition during these weeks… What else are we going to gut and boil in oil? We could always use something like dog, cat, horse, deer, or lamb… Mmmmmm–fried lamb…
It seems that around this same time every year, in a certain region of the world, cabbages begin dying en masse, and those few who survive the annual holocaust only live to see their deceased loved ones stuffed and placed upon a table to be savagely devoured by us humans. With this cold, harrowing depiction of the cruel treatment of cabbages everywhere planted firmly within your minds, each of you should stop to ask yourselves, "What can *I* do to bring an end to this ongoing cabbage torture and genocide?". That is why I have come here today. I propose that we establish a new day of memorial - a day recognized not only in the region of the world from which these atrocities stem, but by the whole world over.
Let this day henceforth be known as Save The Cabbage Day. On this most sacred of days, each of should take a moment to remember the many hundreds of millions of cabbages whose lives have been lost over the years, igniting a spark of compassion within us, and driving us to do all we can to ease the great suffering we have wrought upon cabbage-kind. Each of us must do our part if we are to find success in this most noble of endeavours. We should all take to the streets to spread the word. As news of our movement reaches the farthest corners of the world, monuments will surely be erected to the fallen cabbages of yesteryear. Soon, a day will come that the proud and magnificent cabbage will truly know freedom from the oppression of being bred and farm-raised to be devoured in a ceremonial feast of opulent excess. Soon, a day will come when none of us can turn a blind eye anymore. Soon, a day will come that none of us will be able to forget the things that we have done…
Let this day henceforth be known as Save The Turkey Day. On this most sacred of days, each of should take a moment to remember the many hundreds of millions of turkeys whose lives have been lost over the years, igniting a spark of compassion within us, and driving us to do all we can to ease the great suffering we have wrought upon turkey-kind. Each of us must do our part if we are to find success in this most noble of endeavours. We should all take to the streets to spread the word. As news of our movement reaches the farthest corners of the world, monuments will surely be erected to the fallen turkeys of yesteryear. Soon, a day will come that the proud and magnificent turkey will truly know freedom from the oppression of being bred and farm-raised to be devoured in a ceremonial feast of opulent excess. Soon, a day will come when none of us can turn a blind eye anymore. Soon, a day will come that none of us will be able to forget the things that we have done…
Save The Turkey Day 2009! Never forget…