xyz 0 0
What are you trying to do?
$n looks confused.
#

zyx 0 0
Huh?
$n is obvbiously brain-dead.
#

facepalm 0 0
You facepalm.
$n facepalms.
#

sneeze 0 0
You sneeze, blowing phlegm about!
$n sneezes, blowing phlegm everywhere!
You sneeze, coating $N in snot!
$n sneezes, covering $N in phlegm.
$n sneezes on you... You may want antibiotics.
You hold in the urge to sneeze, as you can't find your target.
You sneeze violently into your hands.  Get a kleenex!
$n covers $s face and sneezes violently!

snort 0 0
You snort defiantly.
$n snorts defiantly.
#

mosh 0 0
You mosh around violently!
$n moshes around violently!
You ram violently into $N!
$n violently moshes into $N!
$n violently moshes into you, knocking you backwards!
They got lost in the pit.
Sure.  Okay.  Lone Star we have a 5150 HERE!
#

raspberry 0 0
You stick your tongue out and blow spittle.
$n sticks $s tongue out and sprays the room.
You stick out your tongue and raspberry $N.
$n sticks out $s tongue and gives $N the raspberry.
$n sticks out $s tongue and gives you a raspberry.
Not here.
Nope.
#

wooha 0 0
You bellow, "WOOHA!!"
$n bellows, "WOOHA!!"
#

signal 0 0
You signal.
$n makes a signal with $s hands.
You give $N the signal.
$n makes some sort of gesture to $N.
$n gives you the signal.
You can't signal them since they are not here.
Now why would you wanna do that?!
#

trip 0 0
You trip out.  Pretty ^Rc^Bo^Yl^Go^Cr^Ms^B...^n
$n is totally tripping out.  Groovy man!
You trip $N and $E falls flat on $S face!
$n trips $N over, who falls flat on $S face!
$n trips you, causing you to stumble and fall flat on your face!
You must be tripping out, because they aren't here!
You trip, you fall, you land flat on your face!
$n trips and falls flat on $s face!

cockeye 0 0
You stare about in a cockeyed manner.
$n stares about in a cockeyed manner.
You stare $N down in a cockeyed manner.
$n stares $N in a cockeyed manner.
$n stares at you kinda funny.  I'd watch $m if I were you.
Nobody by that name to stare at.
You cross your eyes and look like an idiot.
$n crosses $s eyes, looking like a damned fool.

toss 0 0
Toss who into the air?
#
You toss $N gracefully into the air and catch $M.
$n tosses $N gracefully into the air and catches $M.
$n tosses you into the air and gracefully catches you.
They aren't here to toss.
Uh, not here.
#

thwap 0 0
Thwap whom?
#
You thwap $N across the face with a 10kg carp.
$n thwaps $N across the face with a 10kg carp.
$n thwaps you across the face with a 10kg carp.  That stung!
You idly look around, carp in hand, and can't find your target.
You thwap yourself across the face with a 10kg carp.  That stung!
$n thwaps $mself across the face with a 10kg carp and looks stupid.

bearhug 0 0
Bearhug whom?
#
You give $N a big bearhug.
$n gives $N a big bearhug.
$n gives you a huge bearhug.  You can hardly breathe.
Bearhug whom?
Um, no.
#

blink 0 0
You blink your eyes.
$n blinks $s eyes.
#

rtfm 0 0
READ THE F*CKING MANUAL!
#
You bash $N over the head with a 20kg UNIX manual and tell $m to read it.
$n bashes $N over the head with a 20kg UNIX manual and tells $m to read it.
$n bashes you over the head with a 20kg UNIX manual and tells you to read it.
Yeah they should read more, but they aren't here!
You bang your head against a 20kg UNIX manual, saying "I should have read."
$n bangs $s head against a 20kg UNIX manual, saying that he should have read.

noogie 0 0
Um, noogie whom?
#
You put $N in a headlock and give them a horrible noogie!
$n puts $N in a headlock and gives them a horrible noogie!
$n puts you in a headlock and gives you a horrible noogie!
Noogie whom?
Um, no.
#

twitch 0 0
You twitch nervously.
$n twitches nervously.
#

rose 0 0
Give a rose to whom?
#
You give a rose to $N.  ^r@^g>-,-'----^n
$n gives a rose to $N.
$n gives you a rose.   ^r@^g>-`-,----^n
Not here.
Damn... this mud seems to be breeding narcissism.
#

hand 0 0
Hold whose hand?
#
You hold onto $N's hand.
$n holds onto $N's hand.
$n holds onto your hand.
They are not there.
You can't do that.
#

twirl 0 0
You twirl around, modelling your clothes.
$n twirls around, modelling $s clothes.
#

hkiss 0 0
Kiss whose hand?
#
You gently kiss $N's hand.
$n gently kisses $N's hand.
$n gently kisses your hand.
Kiss whose hand?
You kiss your hand.
$n gives $s hand a big smooch.

striptease 0 0
You slowly dance and take off your clothes.
$n slowly takes off $s clothes.
You do a sexy striptease for $N.
$n does a sexy striptease for you.
I know you just can't wait to take it all off, but they are not here!
There are more productive ways to get in touch with your self.
#

beam 0 0
You dazzle everyone with your smile.
$n dazzles everyone with $s stunning smile.
You dazzle $N with your stunning smile.
$n beams a smile at $N.
You are dazzled by $n's stunning smile.
Beam who?
I know you're happy with yourself, but thats kinda weird.
#

lap 0 0
Sit on who's lap?
#
You jump into $N's lap.
$n jumps into $N's lap.
$n jumps into your lap.
Aww, they're not there...
Can't jump into your own lap, stupid!
#

hair 0 0
You comb your hair.
$n combs $s hair.
You run your fingers slowly and softly through $N's hair.
$n runs $s fingers slowly and softly through $N's hair.
$n runs $s fingers slowly and softly through your hair.
Run your fingers through who's hair?
You comb your hair.
$n combs $s hair. 

wrestle 0 0
Wrestle who?
#
You wrestle $N playfully to the ground.
$n wrestle $N playfully to the ground.
$n wrestles you playfully to the ground.
Wrestle whom?
That would look real funny...
#

sage 0 0
You nod sagely.
$n nods sagely.
#

apologize 0 0
You need someone to apologize to.
#
You offer a heartfelt apology to $N.
$n humbly apologizes to $n.
$n apologizes to you - $e obviously didn't mean it.
You cowardly whisper an apology while that person isn't around.
For reasons only you can fathom, you choose to apologize to yourself.
#

innocent 0 0
You try to look innocent.
$n tries to look innocent.
#

bat 1 5
You bat your eyelashes innocently.
$n bats $s eyelashes innocently.
You bat your eyelashes toward $N.
$n bats $s eyelashes towards $N.
$n bats $s eyelashes towards you.
You can't seem to find that person.
How can you bat your eyelashes at yourself?
#

tongue 1 5
You stick your tongue out for everyone to see.
$n sticks $s tongue out.
You stick your tongue out at $N.
$n sticks $s tongue out at $N.
$n sticks $s tongue out at you.
That person doesn't seem to be around.
You cross your eyes and flap your tongue wildly at yourself!
$n crosses $s eyes and flaps $s tongue wildly at $mself!

tap 0 8
You tap your foot impatiently.
$n taps $s foot impatiently.
You tap $N on the shoulder.
$n taps $N on the shoulder.
$n taps you on the shoulder.
You can't find a shoulder to tap on.
You remove dandruff from your shoulder. Maybe YOU better try something else.
$n removes dandruff from $s shoulder. Maybe $e should try something else.

grimace 0 5
You grimace.
$n grimaces.
You grimace toward $N.
$n grimaces toward $N.
$n grimaces toward you.
You can't find that person to grimace towards.
You grimace at yourself, disgusted.
$n grimaces at $mself, disgusted.

collapse 0 0
You collapse in a heap.
$n collapses in a heap.
#

crack 0 0
You crack your knuckles.
$n noisily cracks $s knuckles.
#

flex 0 8
You flex your muscles and pose.
$n poses and flexes $s muscles.
#

doh 0 5
You do your best Homer Simpson impression, "Doh!"
$n does $s best Homer Simpson impression, "Doh!"
#

jig 0 8
You dance a merry jig.
$n dances a merry jig.
You take $N by the hand and dance a merry jig with $M.
$n takes $N by the hand and dances a merry jig with $M.
$n takes you by the hand and dances a merry jig with you.
Jig with who?
You dance a merry jig.
$n dances a merry jig.

rofl 0 5
You roll around on the floor laughing hysterically!
$n rolls around on the floor laughing hysterically!
You roll around on the floor laughing hysterically at $N!
$n rolls around on the floor laughing hysterically at $N!
$n rolls around on the floor laughing hysterically at you!
You'd like to laugh at someone, but they aren't here.
You roll around on the floor laughing hysterically at yourself!
$n rolls around on the floor laughing hysterically at $mself!

eyebrow 1 5
You raise your eyebrow curiously. 
$n raises $s eyebrow.
You raise your eyebrow at $N curiously.
$n raises $s eyebrow at $N curiously.
$n raises $s eyebrow at you curiously.
You can't seem to find that person.
You raise an eyebrow, curious about yourself.
$n raises an eyebrow, curious about $mself.

lol 0 5
You're laughing out loud!  (Must be funny!)
$n is laughing out loud!
You're laughing out loud over $N!  (Funny, isn't $e?)
$n is laughing out loud over $N!
$n is laughing out loud over your hilarity!  (Must have been funny!)
That person isn't here to laugh aloud about.
You're laughing out loud over yourself!  (Ever try stand-up?)
$n is laughing out loud over $mself!

accuse 0 5
Accuse who??
#
You look accusingly at $M.
$n looks accusingly at $N.
$n looks accusingly at you.
Accuse somebody who's not even there??
You accuse yourself.
$n seems to have a bad conscience.

applaud 0 5
Clap, clap, clap.
$n gives a round of applause.
#

beg 0 5
You beg and plead your case.
$n pleads $s case, begging without shame.
You desperately try to squeeze a few coins from $M.
$n begs you for money.  You graciously let $m peep at your fortune.
$n begs $N for a dime or two -- or twenty!
Your money-lender seems to be out for the moment.
Feeling schizophrenic, are we?
#

bleed 0 0
You spill blood all over the floor.  Get a mop, k?
$n is spilling blood all over the place!  Get help!
#

blush 0 5
Your cheeks are burning.
$n blushes.
#

bounce 0 5
BOIINNNNNNGG!
$n bounces around.
#

bow 1 5
You bow deeply.
$n bows deeply.
You bow before $M.
$n bows before $N.
$n bows before you.
Who's that?
You kiss your toes.
$n folds up like a jacknife and kisses $s own toes.

brb 0 0
Come back soon!
$n will be right back!
#

peck 0 0
Find someone to peck first!
#
You peck $N ever so gently on $S cheek.
$n places a gentle peck on $N's cheek.
$n places a gentle peck upon your cheek.  Isn't $e sweet!
Peck who?
Sweet as that may be, that's quite psycho!
#

burp 0 0
You burp loudly.
$n burps loudly.
#

cackle 0 5
You cackle gleefully.
$n throws back $s head and cackles with insane glee!
#

chuckle 0 5
You chuckle politely.
$n chuckles politely.
#

clap 0 5
You clap your hands together.
$n shows $s approval by clapping $s hands together.
#

comb 0 5
You comb your hair -- perfect.
$n combs $s hair, what a dashing specimen!
You patiently untangle $N's hair -- what a mess!
$n tries patiently to untangle $N's hair.
$n pulls your hair in an attempt to comb it.
That person is not here.
You pull your hair, but it will not be combed.
$n tries to comb $s tangled hair.

comfort 0 5
Do you feel uncomfortable?
#
You comfort $M.
$n comforts $N.
$n comforts you.
Comfort who?
You make a vain attempt to comfort yourself.
#

cough 0 0
You cough.
$n lets out a nasty hack.
#

cringe 1 0
You cringe in terror.
$n cringes in terror!
You cringe away from $M.
$n cringes away from $N in mortal terror.
$n cringes away from you.
I don't see anyone by that name here.. what are you afraid of?
I beg your pardon?
#

cry 0 5
Waaaaah...
$n bursts into tears.
You cry on $S shoulder.
$n cries on $N's shoulder.
$n cries on your shoulder.
Who's that?
You cry to yourself.
$n sobs quietly to $mself.

cuddle 1 5
Who do you feel like cuddling today?
#
You cuddle $M.
$n cuddles $N.
$n cuddles you.
They aren't here.
You must feel very cuddly indeed..   :)
#

curse 0 5
You swear loudly for a long time.
$n swears: #@*"*&^%@*&!!!!!!
#

curtsey 1 7
You curtsey to your audience.
$n curtseys gracefully.
#

dance 1 8
You begin to dance in a smooth and sophisticated manner.
$n randomly gyrates $s appendages.
You lead $M to the dancefloor.
$n sends $N across the dancefloor.
$n sends you across the dancefloor.
Your desired partner is not around.
You skip and dance around by yourself.
$n skips a light Fandango.

daydream 1 5
You dream of better times.
$n looks absent-minded, $s eyes staring into space.
#

drool 1 0
You start to drool.
$n starts to drool.
You drool all over $N.
$n drools all over $N.
$n drools all over you.
Pardon??
Sure, go ahead and drool...yuk!
$n drools on $mself.  What a sight.

embrace 0 5
You reach but come away empty.  :(
$n reaches out for an embrace, but no one is there.
You embrace $M warmly.
$n embraces $N warmly.
$n embraces you warmly.
Alas, your embracee is not here.
You embrace yourself??
$n wraps his arms around himself for a warm self-embrace.

fart 0 0
What the hell's the matter with you?
$n lets off a real rip-roarer!
You fart in $N's general direction!
$n farts in $N's general direction!
$n farts in your general direction!
You waste a fart on someone who's not even here.
Quit farting around.
$n farts all over $mself. Frankly, the spectacle is disgusting.

flip 1 8
You flip head over heels.
$n flips head over heels.
#

flirt 1 5
You flirt outrageously.
$n flirts outragously.
You flirt outrageously with $N.
$n flirts outrageously with $N.
$n flirts outrageously with you.
Sorry, your dearly beloved is not around.
You flirt with yourself.  Fortunately, you're easy.
$n thinks he is the most wonderful person in the world.

fondle 0 5
Who needs to be fondled?
#
You fondly fondle $M.
$n fondly fondles $N.
$n fondly fondles you.
You fondly try to fondle someone not in the room, but who cares.
You fondly fondle yourself, feels funny doesn't it?
$n fondly fondles $mself -- this is going too far!!

french 0 5
French whom??
#
You give $N a long and passionate kiss, it seems to take forever...
$n kisses $N passionately.
$n gives you a long and passionate kiss, it seems to take forever...
Your heart is filled with despair as that person is not here.
You gather yourself in your arms and try to kiss yourself.
$n makes an attempt at kissing $mself.

frown 1 5
You frown.
$n frowns like a spoiled child.
#

fume 1 5
Take it easy now!  Count to ten, very slowly.
$n grits $s teeth and fumes with rage.
You stare at $M, fuming.
$n stares at $N, fuming with rage.
$n stares at you, fuming with rage!
Fume away.. they ain't here.
Come to think of it, you are annoying.
$n clenches $s fists and stomps his feet, fuming with anger.

gasp 0 5
You gasp in astonishment.
$n gasps in astonishment.
#

giggle 0 5
You giggle.
$n giggles.
#

glare 0 5
You glare at nothing in particular.
$n glares around $m.
You glare icily at $M.
$n glares at $N.
$n glares icily at you in an expression of total hatred.
You try to glare at somebody who is not present.
Your attempt to glare at yourself is unsuccessful. End of experiment.
$n glares at $s feet, what is bothering $m?

greet 0 5
Greet Who?
#
You greet $M with a light kiss on $S cheek.
$n greets $N with a light kiss on $S cheek.
$n greets you with a light kiss on your cheek.
Please -- try someone who is here.
You greet yourself. Are you friendless?
$n greets $mself.. $e always was a strange one.

grin 1 5
You grin evilly.
$n grins evilly.
#

groan 1 5
You groan loudly.
$n groans loudly.
#

grope 0 5
Whom do you wish to grope??
#
Well, what sort of noise do you expect here?
$n gropes $N.
$n gropes you.
Try someone who's here.
You grope yourself -- YUCK.
$n gropes $mself -- call the police immediately.

grovel 1 5
You grovel in the dirt.
$n grovels in the dirt.
You grovel before $M
$n grovels in the dirt before $N.
$n grovels in the dirt before you.
Who?
That seems a little silly to me..
#

growl 0 5
You growl.
$n growls.
#

grunt 0 0
You squat down and let out a loud grunt.
$n squats down, turns red, and grunts.
#

hiccup 0 0
*HIC*
$n hiccups.
#

hug 1 5
Hug who?
#
You hug $M.
$n hugs $N.
$n hugs you.
Sorry, friend, I can't see that person here.
You hug yourself.
$n hugs $mself.

kiss 0 5
Isn't there someone you want to kiss?
#
You kiss $M.
$n kisses $N.
$n kisses you.
Never around when required.
All the lonely people :(
#

laugh 0 5
You start laughing.
$n starts laughing.
#

lick 0 5
You lick your mouth and smile.
$n licks $s mouth and smiles.
You lick $M.
$n licks $N.
$n licks you.
Lick away, nobody's here with that name.
You lick yourself.
$n licks $mself -- YUCK.

love 0 5
You love the whole world.
$n loves everybody in the world.
You tell your true feelings to $N.
$n whispers softly to $N.
$n whispers to you sweet words of love.
Alas, your love is not present...
OK.
$n loves $mself, can you believe it?

massage 0 5
Massage what, thin air?
#
You gently massage $N's shoulders.
$n massages $N's shoulders.
$n gently massages your shoulders...ahhhhhhhhhh...
You can only massage someone in the same room as you.
You practise yoga as you try to massage yourself.
$n gives a show on yoga-positions, trying to massage $mself.

moan 0 5
You start to moan.
$n moans softly.
#

moon 0 0
You moon everyone.
$n turns $s back to you and drops $s pants.
You successfully moon $N.
$n flaunts his hairless buttocks at $N.
You see the smelly white behind of $n.
You cannot moon that, you silly person.
Moon yourself? Not bloody likely.
$n drops $s pants and attempts to twist $s head around to get a good view.

nibble 0 5
Nibble on who?
#
You nibble on $N's ear.
$n nibbles on $N's ear.
$n nibbles on your ear.
Sorry, not here, better go back to dreaming about it.
You nibble on your finger, causing a jet of blood to squirt you in the eye.
$n nibbles on $s finger. Blood streams from the wound.

nod 1 0
You nod solemnly.
$n nods solemnly.
You nod towards $N.
$n nods towards $N.
$n nods in your direction.
They slot and run, chummer.  You might want to follow them.
You start nodding like you are on thorazine.
$n nods up and down like $e is on thorazine.  The drool will follow.

nudge 0 5
Nudge Nudge? Say no more, a wink is as good as a nudge to a blind bat...
#
You nudge $M with your elbow.
$n nudges $N suggestively with $s elbow.
$n nudges you suggestively.  You two have an understanding.
Eh?  That person isn't here, you know.
You nudge yourself. To your surprise, nothing is accomplished.
$n nudges $mself. Either $e has an itch or is completely insane.

nuzzle 1 5
Nuzzle who??
#
You nuzzle $S neck softly.
$n softly nuzzles $N's neck.
$n softly nuzzles your neck.
No.. they aren't here..
I'm sorry, friend, but that's impossible.
#

pat 0 5
Pat who??
#
You pat $N on $S head.
$n pats $N on $S head.
$n pats you on your head.
Let's try making an ounce of sense.
You pat yourself on your head, very reassuring.
$n pats $mself on the head.

peer 1 5
You peer around you, uncertain that what you see is actually true.
$n peers around, looking as if $e has trouble seeing everything clearly.
#

point 1 0
You point -- where to?
$n points in all directions, seemingly confused.
You point at $M -- $E DOES look funny.
$n muffles a laugh, pointing at $N.
$n points at you... how rude!
You must have a VERY long index-finger...
You point at yourself.  Insinuating something?
$n points at $mself, suggesting that the center of matters is $e.

poke 0 5
Poke who??
#
You poke $M in the ribs.
$n pokes $N in the ribs.
$n pokes you in the ribs.
You can't poke someone who's not here!
You poke yourself in the ribs, feeling very silly.
$n pokes $mself in the ribs, looking very sheepish.

ponder 1 5
You ponder over matters as they appear to you at this moment.
$n sinks deeply into $s own thoughts.
#

pout 1 5
Ah, don't take it so hard.
$n pouts.
#

pray 0 0
You begin to pray.
$n prays to a higher power.
You pray to $M. Not likely to achieve any results doing that.
$n begins praying to $N in a curious act of utter blasphemy.
$n begins praying to you. You wonder about $s sanity.
No such person around; your prayers vanish into the endless voids.
When someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!
$n performs some strange yoga-exercises and mumbles a prayer to $mself.

propose 0 0
You pop the question to no one.
#
You ask $N to be your spouse.
$n pops the question to $N.
$n falls to one knee and asks you to marry $m.
Coward! That person isn't here.
You're already stuck with yourself.
#

pucker 0 0
You pucker up your lips.
$n puckers up. What the hell does $e think $es insinuating?
You pucker your lips at $N, insinuating that some butt-kissing is going on.
$n puckers up at $N, insinuating that $N is kissing butt.
$n puckers up at you. Are you kissing butt again?
You pucker up at someone who isn't here.
Stop puckering yourself.
#

puke 0 0
You puke.
$n pukes.
You puke on $M.
$n pukes on $N.
$n pukes on your clothes!
Once again?
You puke on yourself.
$n pukes on $s clothes.

punch 0 0
Punch the air?  Sure, go ahead, fine by me...
$n starts shadow-boxing.
You punch $M jokingly.
$n smiles and jokingly punches at $N.
$n punches at you in jest.
Punch who?
You punch yourself in the face, resulting in your own nose being bloodied.
$n punches $mself in the face. Blood streams from it.

purr 0 0
MMMMEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW.
$n purrs contentedly.
#

roll 1 0
You roll your eyes in disgust.
$n rolls $s eyes in disgust.
You look at $M and roll your eyes in disgust.
$n looks at $N in contempt and rolls $s eyes with disgust.
$n stares at you and rolls $s eyes in digust.
Um... who?
You roll your eyes, disgusted with your own incompetence.
$n rolls $s eyes, disgusted with $mself.

ruffle 0 0
You've got to ruffle SOMEONE.
#
You ruffle $N's hair playfully.
$n ruffles $N's hair playfully.
$n ruffles your hair playfully.
Let's go over this again: you want to ruffle the hair of a person who isn't here?
You ruffle your hair, wondering how far you can go before the rest think you're crazy.
$n ruffles $s hair -- cooties perhaps?

scream 0 0
ARRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!
$n screams loudly!
#

shake 0 5
You shake your head.
$n shakes $s head.
You shake $S hand.
$n shakes $N's hand.
$n shakes your hand.
Sorry good buddy, but that person doesn't seem to be here.
You are shaken by yourself.
$n shakes and quivers like a bowl full of jelly.

shiver 0 0
Brrrrrrrrr.
$n shivers uncomfortably.
#

shrug 0 0
You shrug.
$n shrugs helplessly.
#

sigh 0 0
You sigh.
$n exhales loudly.
#

sing 0 0
You absentmindedly sing an old tune.
$n has begun to sing an old, familiar tune.
#

slap 0 0
Normally you slap SOMEBODY.
#
You slap $N.
$n slaps $N.
You are slapped by $n.
How about slapping someone in the same room as you??
You slap yourself, silly you.
$n slaps $mself, really strange...

slobber 0 0
You slobber disgustingly.
$n slobbers everywhere. Can't $e control $mself?
You slobber all over $N. That is sick.
$n slobbers all over $N in a misguided attempt at affection.
$n, the sick freak, slobbers all over you.
Try as you might, you can't slobber that far.
You slobber on yourself. Beautiful.
$n is slobbering all over the place!

smile 1 0
You smile happily.
$n smiles happily.
You smile at $M.
$n beams a smile at $N.
$n smiles at you.
There's no one by that name around.
You smile at yourself.
$n smiles at $mself.

slurp 0 0
You slurp.
$n slurps noisily.
You slurp $N.
$n slurps $N. You're not at all sure you wanted to see that.
$n is slurping you. Run! Hide!
That person is not here to be slurped.
Okay, Gene Simmons, relax.
#

smirk 0 0
You smirk.
$n smirks.
#

snap 0 0
Eureka!  You snap your fingers.
$n snaps $s fingers.
#

snarl 0 0
You snarl like a viscious animal.
$n snarls like a cornered, viscious animal.
You snarl at $M angrily.  Control yourself!
$n snarls angrily at $N, seemingly incapable of controlling $mself.
$n snarls viciously at you, losing all sense of self-control.
Eh?  Who?  Not here, my friend.
You snarl at yourself, obviously suffering from schizophrenia.
$n snarls at $mself, and suddenly looks very frightened.

snicker 0 0
You snicker softly.
$n snickers softly.
#

sniff 0 0
You sniff sadly.  *SNIFF*
$n sniffs sadly.
#

snore 0 0
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
$n snores loudly.
#

snowball 0 0
Who do you want to throw a snowball at??
#
You throw a snowball in $N's face.
$n conjures a snowball from thin air and throws it at $N.
$n conjures a snowball from thin air and throws it at you.
You stand with the snowball in your hand because your victim is not here.
You conjure a snowball from thin air and throw it at yourself.
$n conjures a snowball out of the thin air and throws it at $mself.

snuggle 1 5
Who?
#
you snuggle $M.
$n snuggles up to $N.
$n snuggles up to you.
They aren't here.
Hmmm...
#

spank 0 8
You absentmindedly spank the air as you think of simsense stars.
$n spanks the air and grins oddly.
You spank $M vigorously, long and hard.  Your hand hurts.
$n spanks $N over $s knee.  It hurts to even watch.
$n spanks you long and hard.  You feel like a naughty child.
Are you sure about this?  I mean, that person isn't even here!
Hmm, not likely.
#

spit 0 0
You spit over your left shoulder.
$n spits over $s right shoulder.
You spit on $M.
$n spits in $N's face.
$n spits in your face.
Can you spit that far?
You drool down your front.
$n drools down $s front.

squeeze 0 0
Where, what, how, WHO???
#
You squeeze $M fondly.
$n squeezes $N fondly.
$n squeezes you fondly.
Where, what, how, WHO???
You squeeze yourself -- try to relax a little!
$n squeezes $mself.

stare 0 5
You stare at the sky.
$n stares at the sky.
You stare dreamily at $N, completely lost in $S eyes..
$n stares dreamily at $N.
$n stares dreamily at you, completely lost in your eyes.
You stare and stare but can't see that person anywhere...
You stare dreamily at yourself - enough narcissism for now.
$n stares dreamily at $mself - NARCISSIST!

steam 0 0
You let off some steam, much to the others' relief (and your own!)
$n lets off a lot of steam, much to your relief.
#

stroke 0 0
Whose thigh would you like to stroke?
#
You gently stroke $s inner thigh.
$n gently strokes $N's inner thigh... hmm...
$n gently strokes your inner thigh with feathery touches.
That person is not within reach.
You are about to do something you would rather not be caught doing.
$n starts to do something disgusting and then stops.

strut 0 0
Strut your stuff.
$n struts proudly.
#

sulk 1 0
You sulk.
$n sulks in the corner.
#

tackle 0 5
You tackle the air.  It stands not a chance.
$n starts running around $mself in a desparate attempt to tackle the air.
You ruthlessly tackle $M to the ground.
$n ruthlessly tackles $N, pinning $M to the ground.
$n suddenly lunges at you and tackles you to the ground!
That person isn't here (luck for them, it would seem...)
Tackle yourself?  Yeah, right....
$n makes a dextrous move and kicks $s left leg away with $s right.

tango 0 8
With whom would you like to tango?
$n puts a rose between $s teeth, but takes out it since noone joins $m.
You put a rose between your teeth and tango with $M seductively.
$n puts a rose between $s teeth and tangos with $N seductively.
$n puts a rose between $s teeth and tangos with you seductively.
That person isn't around.  Better sit this one out.
Feels rather stupid, doesn't it?
$n puts a rose between $s teeth and tries to tango with $mself.

taunt 0 0
You taunt the nothing in front of you.
$n taunts something that seems to be right in front of $m.
You taunt $M, to your own delight.
$n taunts $N rather insultingly.  $n seems to enjoy it tremendously.
$n taunts you.  $n seems to want to die today.
Hmmmmmmm.....nope, no one by that name here.
You moronically taunt yourself.
$n taunts $mself to tears.

thank 0 5
Thank you too.
#
You thank $N heartily.
$n thanks $N heartily.
$n thanks you heartily.
No one answers to that name here.
You thank yourself since nobody else wants to!
$n thanks $mself since you won't.

think 1 0
You think about life, the universe and everything.
$n sinks deeply into thought about the meaning of life.
You think about what purpose $E has in relation to your part of life.
$n stops and thinks about $N, completely lost in thought.
Your ears burn as $n thinks about you.. you wonder what about.
You'd better think harder, if you hope to make contact!
You think about yourself (for once).
$n thinks about $mself for a change.....(?)

tickle 0 0
Who do you want to tickle??
#
You tickle $N.
$n tickles $N.
$n tickles you - hee hee hee.
Who is that??
You try to tickle yourself.
$n tickles $mself.

touch 0 0
You touch nothing.
#
You reach out and tenderly touch $N.
$n tenderly touches $N.
$n reaches out and touches you gently.
That person ain't here.
You stop that!
$n smiles oddly as $e places $s hands down $s pants.

twiddle 0 0
You patiently twiddle your thumbs.
$n patiently twiddles $s thumbs.
#

whiz 0 0
You gently take a whiz.
$n pees. That's a little bit more than you wanted to see, frankly.
You unzip your pants, and spray a stream of urine in the face of $N.
$n unzips $s pants, and sprays urine in the face of $N.
$n unzips $s pants and sprays urine in your face!
Your bladder feels like its going to burst as you can't find your target..
In an effort to impress your friends, you joyously pee yourself.
A dark wet stain spreads in front of $n's crotch. $n smiles like Stimpy.

whistle 0 0
You whistle innocently.
$n whistles innocently.
#

wave 0 0
You wave.
$n waves happily.
You wave goodbye to $N.
$n waves goodbye to $N.
$n waves goodbye to you.  Have a good journey.
They didn't wait for you to wave goodbye.
Been reading "Final Exit"?
$n waves goodbye to $mself.

whine 0 0
You whine pitifully.
$n whines pitifully about the whole situation.
#

wiggle 0 0
You wiggle your bottom.
$n wiggles $s bottom.
#

wince 0 0
You wince. That sounds unpleasant.
$n winces at the thought.
#

wink 0 5
Have you got something in your eye?
$n winks suggestively.
You wink suggestively at $N.
$n winks at $N.
$n winks suggestively at you.
No one with that name is present.
Now surely you understand that is impossible.
$n attempts to wink at $mself.

worship 0 5
You find yourself head-down in the dirt, worshipping.
$n starts worshipping nothing at all.
You fall to your knees and worship $M deeply.
$n falls to $s knees, worshipping $N with uncanny dedication.
$n kneels before you in solemn worship.
Uh.. who?  They're not here, chummer.
You seem sure to have found a true deity.....
$n falls to $s knees and humbly worships $mself.

yawn 0 0
You open your stinking mouth to release a godawful sound.
$n yawns.
#

yodel 0 0
You yodel. You should know that yodelling around shadowrunners is a good way to get killed.
$n starts to yodel. Kill $m, please.
#

jump 0 0
You jump for joy.
$n jumps into the air excitedly.
You jump at $M excitedly.
$n jumps in front of $N.
$n jumps in front of you and smiles in an unnerving fashion.
Jumping that far might cause you a strain.
Ask yourself...does that make sense?
#

hoi 0 0
You greet everyone: "Hoi, chummer."
$n says, "Hoi, chummer."
#

convince 0 0
Come on, everybody else is doing it.
$n rationalizes to himself.
You attempt to make $N see the light.
$n tries to convince $N of $s wisdom.
$n tries to convince you to see $s side of the story.
Let's practice our oratory on someone who's around, ok?
You argue and plead with yourself.
$n appears absorbed in $s own thoughts.

psychoanalyze 0 0
That particular science requires a subject.
$n gestures and mumbles to himself.
You attempt to psychoanalyze $N.
$n begins psychoanalysis on $N.
$n asks you about your dreams, early childhood, and how you feel about your mother.
Success in that venture would likely make you famous.
You psychoanalyze yourself, coming to the conclusion that you want to kill your father and marry your mother.
$n questions $s mental health.

dis 0 0
You dis nothing.
$n decides to start dissing the air, for being there.
You tell $N exactly what you think of $M.
$n cold-bloodedly disses $N.
Yo momma's so fat, you just slap her ass and ride the wave in!
I don't think you've quite got the hang of this yet.
You dis yourself, showing a total lack of self-respect.
$n disses $mself. Somehow, that doesn't seem very smart.

bonk 0 0
You bonk thin air.
#
You bonk $N over the head for being such an utter moron.
$n bonks $N over the head for being such an utter moron.
$n bonks you over the head for being such a dingus.
That makes zero sense.
You bonk youself over the head for being such an idiot.
$n bonks $mself over the head for being such an idiot.

hifive 0 0
You need another person in order to accomplish that.
#
You hifive $N.
$n hifives $N.
$n hifives you. Way to go!
You are severely confused.
You can't hifive yourself, dumbass.
#

prance 0 0
You prance like a fairy.
$n prances like a fairy princess.
#

happy 0 0
You pinch your nipples. You are as happy as a little girl.
$n pinches $s nipples. $e is as happy as a little girl.
#

agree 0 5
You agree.
$n agrees.
You agree with $M.
$n agrees with $N.
$n agrees with you.
Shucks, no one to agree with but yourself.
You agree with yourself.
$n agrees with $mself.

disagree 0 5
You disagree.
$n disagrees.
You disagree with $M.
$n disagrees with $N.
$n disagrees with you.
Yikes! Who can you disagree with?
You disagree with yourself.
$n disagrees with $mself.

brick 0 6
Throw a brick at who?
$n looks around for someone to throw a brick at! Hide!
You aim a hefty brick at $N's head!
$n grabs a brick and aims at $N's head!
$n grabs a brick and aims right at your head!
Hrm....that could be difficult.
Don't those stars just look wonderful?
$n grabs a brick and smashes it in $m face!

dribble 0 5
Feeling a tad childish, you dribble down your chest.
$n takes a momentary rest and dribbles all over $mself.
You hug up to $N and dribble all over $M.
$n snuggles up to $N and dribbles all over $M like a baby.
$n comes up to you and begins to dribble over your lovely clothing.
Awwwww, noone to dribble on.
Drip........drip...Ewwww!!! Make it stop!!.
$n decides to take a moment and dribble.

wibble 0 5
You wibble violently...are the whales chasing you again, son?
$n wibbles spasmodically?
You grab $N and wibble $M furiously.
$n grabs $N and wibbles $M like a madman.
$n grabs you and wibbles you until your arm almost rip out of their sockets!
No, you cant wibble a person not here.....sorry.
You wibble yourself.
In a frenzy, $n wibbles like a panda on speed.

confused 0 0
You look confused. What?
$n looks totally confused.
#

congrat 0 5
#
#
You congratulate $N with a friendly pat on the back.
$n congratulates $N with a friendly pat on the back.
$n congratulates you. Well done!
Sorry? Who do you want to congratulate?
You congratulate yourself. Well done!
$n congratulates $mself in a fit of self-indulgence.


listen 0 5
You listen intently.
$n listens intently.
You listen carefully to what $N has to say.
$n listens carefully to what $N has to say.
$n listen carefully to you.
You strain to hear anything.
I think you can hear yourself pretty well, yeah.
#

boggle 0 5
You boggle at the concept.
$n boggles at the concept.
#

hop 0 5
You hop up and down. Anything for attention, honestly.
$n hops up and down desperate for childlike attention.
#

accuse 0 5
So, er, is there a target of this madness?
#
You accuse $N of blatant misbehaviour!!
$n points the finger and accuses $N!
$n accuses you of blatant misbehaviour! How dare $e?
Nope, they ran away. Bailiff!!
#

chillout 0 5
Yeah man.....nice and chilled......
$n kicks back and chills.
You pass $N a beer and tell $M to chillout.
$n passes $N a beer and tells $M to chillout.
$n passes you a beer and tells you to just chillout.
They obviously didn't want to chill, man.
You're on ice, you're so chilled.
#

mellow 0 5
Pass the spliff man.....
$n mellows out completely.
You hand $N the spliff and tell $M to mellow out.
$n hands $N a big fat spliff and tells $M to mellow out.
$n hands you a big fat spliff and tells you to mellow out.
You've got the dope all to yourself!
You gotta mellow out man! You're too tense!
#

volunteer 0 5
You step up and bravely volunteer.
$n steps up and volunteers for the task.
#

snore 0 5
ZzZzZzZZZZZZzzzZzZZzzz.......
$n snores like an elephant....check out those tonsils!!
#

scratch 0 5
You scratch your head.
$n scratches $s head.
Hey, leave them alone!
$n scratches $N's head for $M.
$n reaches out and scratches your head! Er.....ok....
They obviously don't like you scratching them.
#

swear 0 5
You swear profusely.
$n swears: %@^*!
You scream abusive comments at $N!
$n starts screaming truly abusive things at $N! How uncouth.
$N screams truly abusive remarks at you! You gonna take that?
Awww, noone to vent your anger on.
#

disregard 0 5
Disregarding nothing...?
#
You turn you nose and dismiss all signs of $N's existence. Pah!
$n disregards $N coldly and turns $s attention to the gum stuck to his shoe.
$n completely disregards you.........jeez.
Go ahead, disregard thin air......
That's no good for your self-esteem you know....
$n tries to deny his own existence. Good luck to $m!

envy 0 5
You've got *what* envy?
#
You stare at $N with incessant envy.
$n looks at $N in envy.
$n stares at you enviously.
That's good....envy nothing....yeah.
Now That IS narcisism.
#

forgive 0 5
Forgive who?
#
You humbly forgive $N.
$n humbly forgives $N.
$n humbly forgives you.
Noone's done anything wrong mate, chill.
Er.....yeah.
#

grumble 0 5
You grumble like a dirty old man.
$n grumbles grumpily.
#

hate 0 5
You fume and rumble with burning hatred.
$n fumes and rumbles with burning hatred.
You openly display your hatred for $N!
$n glares at $N with an unmatched hatred.
$n glares at you with fire in $m eyes, openly displaying his hatred for you.
Noone to hate. Peace brother!
You hate yourself.
$n hates himself.....poor soul.

hhold 0 5
Sorry?
#
You hold $N tightly.
$n holds $N tightly.
$n holds you tightly.
Looks like they left before you could hold them back.
You hold yourself tightly.
$n holds $mself tightly.

stamp 0 5
You stamp your feet sounding like a herd of elephants.
$n stamps $s feet sounding like a herd of elephants.
Stamp stamp stamp.....that's GOTTA hurt.....
$n stamps on $N's feet.
$n stamps on your feet. OUCH!
You stamp around the room looking for someone to stamp on.
You stamp on your own feet. Great.
$n stamps down on $s own feet.

whimper 0 5
You let out a quiet whimper as you tend to your wounds.
$n whimpers quietly as $e tends to $s wounds.
#

rub 0 5
You rub your hands together....hee hee hee.
$n rubs $s hands together gleefully.
#

swat 0 5
Kill the fly! Kill the fly!
$n swats the air madly flinging $s arms about.
You swat $N's butt playfully.
$n swats $N's butt playfully.
$n swats your butt playfully.
Swat whom?
Ok....if that's what you're into.....
$n bends over backwards and swats $mself.

jeer 0 5
You jeer the room, throwing rotten tomatoes, weeeeeeeee!
$n starts throwing rotten tomatoes everywhere....run!
You jeer $N horrible, covering $M in rotten tomato goo!
$n jeers $N horribly, covering $M in tomato goo!
$n jeers you terribly, covering you in tomato goo!
Jeer who?
You smother yourself with rotten tomatoes.
$n completely covers $mself in age-old tomatoes.

puppy 0 5
You make puppy dog eyes and beg for attention.
$n makes puppy dog eyes, begging for attention.
#

tiptoe 0 5
You tiptoe discreetly across the room, hoping to leave unnoticed.
$n tiptoes discreetly across the room, hoping to leave unnoticed.
#

dunce 0 5
You conjure up a dunce hat.
$n pulls a dunce hat out of $s dunce clothes.
You give the dunce hat to $N.
$n gives $N a dunce hat.
$n gives you a lovely little dunce hat. Why don't you thank $m?
No....looks like you gotta keep it now.
Ohh...don't worry, you'll learn.
$n puts on $s dunce hat.

roar 0 5
Your roar as loud as a roar can get.
$n roars. Yay.
You roar at $N fiercely.
$n roars at $N fiercely.
$n roars at you. You just gonna stand there?
Rrrrrrroar.
No....we shan't try that....for safety purposes.
#

torture 0 5
Torture who?
#
You ruthlessly torture $N. Eeeewwww, that's horrible!
$n ruthlessly tortures $N, how terrible!
$n ruthlessly tortures you....make it stop!
Dang....noone to use the pincers on.
NO! No, you really really really don't want to do that.
#

sob 0 5
You sob softly.
$n sobs softly.
#

pant 0 5
You pant breathlessly.
$n pants breathlessly.
#

cheer 0 5
You cheer out loud!
$n cheers out loud!
You cheer $N on!
$n cheers $N on!
$n cheers you on! Go for it!
Nope...looks like you're on your own.
#

disco 0 5
Get down! Shake that bootie!
$n jumps around to the disco. Watch $m go!
You grab $N by the hands and whisk $m off to the disco!
$n grabs $N and the two of them disco.
$n grabs you and whisks you to the dance floor!
Just dance alone then, I guess...
#

howl 0 5
You howl, long and painfully.
$n howls. Shut that dog up!
#

muthafucka 0 5
What the FUCK are you looking at?
$n steps up, challenging all who dare.
You grab $N by the collar and slam $M against the wall. MUTHAFUCKA!!
$n grabs $N and slams $M against the wall!
$n grabs you by the collar, slams you against the wall...and insults you.
Seems that muthafucka ain't here.
You find that you don't respond to your own insults.
$n starts challenging $mself to a fight. Uh oh.
$